“I had a dream”

Art portfolio- my work

While I’m typing this the song from ABBA goes through my head…..

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

I’m officially too old for one of my dreams to come true.  I have failed. Now I must try and cope with that.

When I left art school, I had a 5 year plan to win the ABSA l Atelier competition. (Perceived as one of the most prestigious art awards in South Africa.) I have heard other artists say that only after they won this competition, collectors started to collect their work.  So it’s been more than 10 years after art school and today I heard that not even one of my two entries did make it to the top 100.  (The only time my work did was in 2004.) So I am left wondering if my work has gone down-hill from then?

"Domesticated" embroidery on rubber. (I really need advice on how to take a photo of art behind glass!)

“Domesticated” embroidery on rubber. (I really need advice on how to take a photo of art behind glass!)

Looking now at the two pieces I can think of a lot of excuses, eg: I shouldn’t have rushed it or it should have been more focused, or I should have made the rubber chain super long that it formed a mountain inside the cage ect. ect. But that would not change anything. (A lot of should-haves)

The domestic engineer (my playground) mixed media and found objects

The domestic engineer (my playground) mixed media and found objects

Later this year I am turning 36 and won’t be allowed to enter again since you have to be 35 and younger.  Thus if I want to go to Paris (which is one of the prizes)  I have to try and save money to go there by myself, since it wont happen through ABSA.

Last year sometime I found the following excerpt on Keri Smith’s blog: see here

7. “Pay no attention to the man behind that curtain.” Ignore what other people are doing. It has no bearing on your existence or vision of the world. The times we feel the most discouraged are usually due to the fact we are comparing ourselves to others. Most times reading awards annuals, and industry mags only serves to make us feel inadequate. Try cutting it out entirely. Designer Bruce Mau recommends not entering awards competitions. His reasoning, “Just don’t do it, it’s not good for you.”

I liked nr 7, but I didn’t listen.  I will keep on dreaming.

 

Celebrating Changes

Art portfolio- my work

Yesterday (31st of October) was Halloween; tomorrow (2nd of November) they celebrate the day of the dead in Mexico.  Today (1 November) I’m celebrating changes.

I shaved my hair. I know it is clichéd, but I want to see my hair turning grey.  I want to experience this transformation for a while, so I had to get rid of the artificial flame red.  I want to see if the colour of my hair will have a difference on me on how I view myself.

I am starting a visual diary/journal again- and I am also in the process of wrecking one, thanks to the book I saw at Wordsworth(haven’t been there in ages)  while I was at the mall (where you normally wont find me since malls remind me of incubators) on Friday (I was exhibiting my range of Lobotoy-me toys).

The book is called :  Wreck this journal.  By Keri Smith.

Just what the doctor prescribed!  I found myself in a ratty race with some out of control control freaks and busy bison’s.  Feeling frustrated often and not enjoying the ride.

I blamed father time, and (m)otherhood.

I wanted to be Superwife, Supermom, creator of that Masterpiece, Supercook,  I wanted the house to be Superclean and organized. Keeping head above water.  Everything in control.

I then discovered Keri’s website. (Well worth a visit) A kindred spirit.  I stumbled upon this posting which I would like to share, since she was talking like the lost part of me.

http//:www.kerismith.com/blog/truthful-things-about-being-an-artist-and-a-mother-for-amanda/

I’m going to experience everything!